on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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