Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize