I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
honey bunches of taint.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
