i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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