Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
