He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
