Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
