Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
