I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
two words...techno handjob
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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