I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
