hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
