I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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