Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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