I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
