Soap is not a condiment
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
