dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
