I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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