This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
