theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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