When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
