it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
