You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
