Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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