I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
