After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
