I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
