I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
