Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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