What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
