So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's shark week go big or go home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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