So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
