Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
