dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
