Ambien. No doubt about it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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