Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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