ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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