Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
