"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
