"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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