Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
