So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
