hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
