I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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