If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
