There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
