he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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