the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
