i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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