So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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