R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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