Don't make out with my wife yet
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize