I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
