It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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