Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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