do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at about main and main street
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
