The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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