Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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