sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want nice things and good sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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