You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
