She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
