I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
