going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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