I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
