The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
