After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
