I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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