this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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