It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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