On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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