This girl is more easily done than said...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
